


oh god it’s you (that i lie with)

by sleepicide



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Character Death, Denial, Derealization, Grief/Mourning, Hurt No Comfort, Sobbing, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:48:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28096416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepicide/pseuds/sleepicide
Summary: Yachi remembers the thud! of Hinata hitting the gym floor. Remembers yelling for an upperclassmen, remembers getting Tanaka, remembers remembers remembers. She cannot stop seeing Hinata’s back for the last time, she’s burned it into her eyelids.Yachi cannot stop remembering.or;hinata doesn’t make it back home
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, IF U SQUINT - Relationship
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	oh god it’s you (that i lie with)

Yachi remembers the _thud!_ of Hinata hitting the gym floor. Remembers yelling for an upperclassmen, remembers getting Tanaka, remembers remembers _remembers._ She cannot stop seeing Hinata’s back for the last time, she’s burned it into her eyelids. 

She cannot _not_ remember, she’s gripping every memory iron tight in her mind. She cannot forget.

If she had stalled him, if she had walked slower, if she hadn’t tossed the balls to Kageyama, Hinata wouldn’t have been crossing the road at that time. He would’ve missed the truck. The truck would've missed _him._

Yachi cannot stop remembering.

. . .

She remembers the coolness of the night, of the tears welling up in her eyes at Hinata’s words— his _last_ words —as he stood in front of her.

“ _I finally felt like I had a partner, not just a friend._ ”

She remembers waking up that morning and padding into the kitchen, blearily glancing at the news. Her mother stood in front of the TV, hands shaking.

“Kaa-san, what’s wrong?” she murmured, frowning as she looked closer.

‘ _boy- death- car accident- investigation- Hinata Shoyo-‘_

The words stop her in her tracks, as her mother turns, briskly walking over and enveloping her in a hug.

Car accident. Hinata Shoyo. Hinata was riding his bike. There was no way…

The first sob bubbles out of her before she realizes that her chest aches and that the backs of her eyes burn. The rest follow like water out a faucet, her legs giving out beneath her. Her mother follows her, letting her sob into her chest.

“I-I- I shou-should have sto-stopped him!” the words come out garbled and hitched, forced out between sobs.

“Oh baby you didn’t know, shh shh, it’s not your fault.”

But Yachi sobs anyways, because that's all she can do, because she _didn’t_ stall him, she _didn’t_ walk slow, and she _did_ throw those balls to Kageyama.

\- - -

When Ukai thinks of Hinata, he thinks of bright orange hair and a determined grin. He thinks of unlocked potential and a crazy jump.

He thinks of him more often now than he’d like to admit. Thinks that, if he hadn’t of— if he—

Ukai can't bear to think of the word.

If Hinata were still here, would he have taken bim to his gramps like he wanted to? 

Keishin thinks he would have. Gramps would’ve liked him.

. . .

He first knows something is wrong when Hinata doesn’t show up to practice. Knows something is wrong when no one has seen him or Yachi.

He brushes it off. It will be fine, it has to be.

It has to be.

When he gets home, he takes off his shoes, groaning as his back pops when he stretches. Everyone had been off their game today, looking, waiting for a middle blocker that wasn’t there.

He grabs the remote, collapsing on his couch and gazing tiredly at the TV, before clicking it on.

_“There’s still been no updates on the suspected intoxicated driver that killed Hinata Shoyo last night, but police are stil-“_

He doesn’t hear the rest. His head is stuffed with cotton balls, and distantly he hears the remote clatter to the floor.

No. No no no.

Ukai Keishin feels a different pain that day. The pain of grief, and the pain of knowing the grief to come.

\- - -

Tanaka replays one of the last things he did to Hinata a good too many times a week. Thinks of how one of the last things he did to one of his close friends was punch him. Straight in the jaw. 

He tries to drown out that memory with better memories, but that just makes him sad. And Tanaka doesn’t like being sad, it ruins his day.

But Tanaka gets sad anyways. Because that's what happens when your friend dies. 

. . .

Tanaka doesn’t find out until after he’s home, calling out a greeting and getting a mundane one back.

He walks into the kitchen, furrowing his brows as Saeko sits at the table, silently motioning for him to have a seat. 

He does so worriedly, softly asking what’s wrong because contrary to popular belief, when it comes to his sister, he knows how to screw his thinking cap on and listen.

“Ryuu,” she starts, softly, and then in true Saeko fashion, rips the band aid right off, “Hinata died last night on his way home.”

And he just stares for a moment, before giving a choked off laugh.

“That’s- thats a fucked thing to joke about, yknow-“

“Ryuu.”

“-honestly that's, that’s real fucked.” The last word comes out half broken and forced, his nails biting into his palms as he looks down, trembling where he sits, “Because. Because that’s a joke, right? _Right,_ sis, you’re- you have to be fucking with me.”

“I'm so sorry, Ryuu.”

His first sob shakes his chest, teeth gritted so it doesn’t escape, body shaking with the effort.

His sister shuffles to his side, resting her brother's forehead on her collarbone, pursing her own lips as she feels his fists ball into the sides of her shirt, his silent cries racking his body. Because she can’t cry, not around him at least.

Tanaka feels dumb, crying into his sisters— now snot and tear stained —tshirt, but after a moment he discards the thought.

He decides it’d be more weird if he _wasn’t_ crying. 

\- - -

Nishinoya doesn’t find out until the next day, and maybe that’s why he can’t do anything but simply lie in bed most nights, staring at his ceiling.

He sometimes liked to pretend Hinata hadn’t died, that when he texted the decoy’s number he didn’t get an answer only because the redhead was busy. The same with the voicemails he left.

Nishinoya thinks he’s somewhat of a sadist. A masochist? He doesn’t know. 

Some days he likes to pretend Hinata never died. Those days are the worst. 

. . .

Nishinoya is bouncing and so excited when he comes through the house, dodging little cousins and brothers as he darts to his parents.

“Ma! I had so much fun at practice t’day, but Hinata and Yachi didn’t show up, which was weird and…” the libero trailed off, staring at his mother’s back watching as she seemed to.. cry.

“ _Mama_ ?” he whispered, in spanish, the little he knew, this time, “ _What’s wrong, why are you crying? Mama?_ ” he asked, voice shaky, as she gripped the countertop. 

“Yuu- _my son, I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!_ ” she wailed as she threw her arms around him, hugging him close to her chest. He’s confused, and his chest aches with sorrow for his mother, who obviously had lost someone precious.

“Yuu,” his father murmured, hand on his shoulder, and one on his ma’s back, “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

And he feels his world break, just a fracture.

“M-my loss? What are you-“ his heart stops in his throat, as he shakes his head. “No. No they aren’t- they aren’t-“

“He is.” and Nishinoya _sobs._

Because oh god, Hinata’s _dead._

No more weird spikes, no more training camps. No more _Hinata._

And, well. Yuu didn’t know what was worse: the fact that he had lost one of his best friends, or the fact that everyone else had lost Hinata, too, and therefore all lost a piece of their puzzle, a piece of them.

\- - -

Kageyama’s therapist suggested screaming into a pillow, logging down his thoughts, writing everything he wanted to say down.

Kageyama discovered that something that _really_ helped, was throwing a volleyball up, and serving it, hearing the ball smack against the floor, and pretending that Hinata had served it, that he would call out his name and demand another set. That he would ask him what was wrong and maybe, Kageyama would tell him about the horrible nightmare he had where Hinata _died_ and he’d snicker and shove him and say, “Kageyama! I’m right here!” and they’d set and do their quick attack and-

And Kageyama needed to stop living this daydream.

God, he was never going to ‘heal’ at this rate. 

. . .

Kageyama sulks through practice, scowls and complains, but his gut pinches in worry. Was Hinata so upset he skipped out on practice? No, _Hinata_ of all people wouldn’t. 

He pushes it away until he’s walking into his house, his big, lonely house. 

He calls out a greeting, but receives no response, not that he was expecting one. 

The setter doesn’t get bored enough to watch the news until a couple hours later, watching it in his room as story by story goes, him checking his phone every so often.

“And tonight’s latest story, the fatal hit and run that took the life of Hinata Shoyo, officers say that he was killed early last night…” the news reporter drones on, as if he's not delivering the story that crushes Kageyama’s heart beneath its unforgiving boot.

His hands seize, clutching his phone so tightly he fears it might break.

The first tear comes as a surprise, as he lightly touches his face, now beginning to grow wet with tears.

That's how his parents find him, three days later when they come home. Merely sitting on his bed, stomach roiling with hunger that granola bars couldn’t fill, no tears left due to dehydration.

They coddle him, treat him like glass and take off from business trips, start staying around the house more but _god dammit_ that's not what Kageyama wants. He wants Hinata back and he wants him _here_ so he can finally say that he really, really likes him and he just doesn’t know how to communicate with people and- and…

And everything would go back to normal.

Which is exactly how it goes in his dreams until he wakes up, eyes bleary and piecing together figments of his imagination’s desires. Sometimes he pretends Hinata is laying next to him, and goes back to sleep so he can dream a little more.

Kageyama wishes that he didn’t blame himself.

Hinata wishes that, too.

**Author's Note:**

> it would be very pog if u joined my fic server
> 
> https://discord.gg/SdaBf7Y


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